I haven’t been around for awhile. I cut myself and my family off from my brother and tried to move past the pain he puts our family through.
Then I watched 20/20 last week and saw my brother again. He was the every person portrayed on their show about college heroin use that night. The daughter was my brother. In and out of rehab & jail, scamming her parents for money and hooked on the poppy.
I called my dad. Turn on the TV dad. Someone is finally shining light on this epidemic. Three days later, my ‘clean’ brother went on a bender. With the threat of two felony convicitions on his head, he went on a fucking bender. He lied to my dad. Tried to scam money from him for an out of state rehab and then tried to scam a hospital.
This is what heroin fucking does.
It takes ahold of your life and doesn’t let go until your dead or in prison. Some may get out alive but not many.
16% recover.
84% don’t.
In the back of my head I had always hoped he would make it, I had always prayed he was different than the stats. He was stronger, he was better than the other junkies. He could make it through this.
Now I’m not so sure.
My dad is a wreck once again. The past 6 years of his life stolen by a disease that his son chose the second he put that needle in his arm. He cannot walk away no matter how hard he tries. He doesn’t see the junkie I see. All he sees is the son he once loved so much.
My Junkie Brother 
My brother is a heroin addict. He’s 35 now. He’s been an addict his entire life. He even brought a daughter into this world with another heroin addict. She was born addicted. He’s in a halfway house right now. This is probably the 10th rehab/halfway house he’s been in. Neither he or his wife have custody of her. Only during a stint in jail do I believe he was clean for more than a week. I lost hope for him a long time ago. I stay away. It’s the only way to survive.
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Hi my brother is 35 now. He has been doing drugs since I was 10. Anything from herion to pain killers. He has been in and out of prison, rehab, half way houses. He even went to africa and lived on an indian reservation. I stay away as well. I have for a long time while my parents continue to enable him. This time they say their done. But that’s what they always say. When I turned 11 all the focus was on my brother I was force to raise myself. The only memories I have of my family happy are when my brother and I were little playing riding our bikes. I keep pictures of us as kids posted in my office. They help me feel happy in a time where its so impossible. He relaps 2 days ago and is on the streets now. I fear that phone call. I love my brother so much and I don’t know how to cope with this. I have been seeing counclers all my life and it helps but there is still that void that leavea you heart broken. I look at my son and know god willing he will never touch a drug. So to hold on I focus on teaching my son the danger and threat of being an addict and that life has its own natural highs. Just live your life. I am heartbroken and scared.
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its me again, Sarah…
its Thanksgiving Eve. he’s at it again, this cycle got old the first time round.
I’m 18 living at my parents house bagging with tears in my eyes with my voice buckling to kick him out. For Gods sake he’s 30 still in school with a life revolving around fixes and roguish manipulative comportment.
I had a break through after being screamed at “go to hell you self-righteous bitch. go fuck your self” by my very own brother. it didn’t hurt, and at the moment I felt nothing, allowed nothing in. I got stronger against these derogatory confrontations. I did feel threatened, however, like always and made my rounds to lock mine and my mothers rooms. I left with one thing on my mind the Nissan being sold for $4,000 about 12 blocks away. I walked thinking first a car to drive so I can find a job. when I get a job (anywhere really) then save for a apartment of my own. over and over reassuring myself that if I take action, stand up for myself, I can choose a better environment.
its horrible to say but I never had hope for him to be honest. I knew he is damaged for good. am I a horrible person for just wanting him out of my life? my own brother with the snap of my fingers, poof gone? I could care less about him now I just want peace. I’m also angry at my parents for enabling him all these years. It makes me cringe how he sucks the life out of them so fast, they look older and older everyday.
this is it. I draw the line.. I will find a job work and work to get out of this beautiful house and personal hell. jee I can’t wait to see how my brother creates a new memory for this next holiday… I really can’t wait. really, really, I can’t wait.
yours truly
Sarah
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